As globalisation picks up pace and the world gets smaller by the day, it seems that interracial relationship – dating and marriage – seems to be getting more and more accepted as a norm. But, on the whole, Eritrean society seems to fear the possibility of an interracial marriage.
At best, those who oppose interracial dating or marriage, justify their reservations by pointing to the consequences that follow such as cultural misunderstanding and so on. They say opposing such relationship is being cautious about any circumstances that would make a marriage more stressful. They say that successful marriage is most likely to happen when the couple share similar backgrounds. The intricacy and stress of marriage may deem a marriage more likely to end in divorce when the couple do not share the same background.
But those who don’t mind mixed marriages say that difference of background is not an issue. After all, a good relationship doesn’t require the couple to come from the same background. They say that the main ingredients of a good relationship are trust, openness, support for each other, physical affection, growing together and respect.
If the couple trust and respect each other, can make each other happy, help each other to grow and each one is willing to dedicate their energy in wanting to stay with each other, then the relationship or marriage has a good chance of succeeding.
So what say you? Is love and respect enough? Or are the stresses that come with such relationships far too much to allow success?
Share your views with us and as usual, we’ll publish a selection of your letters in the upcoming issue of ELEMmagazine.
I married an eritrean 25 yrs ago and part of my reason for marrying an eritrean was I thought with so much in common inour background life would be easier than if I married a non-eritrean. Was I wrooooong!! She made my life a living hell. she was clearly a narcisstic (I read about it) I did not want to divorce her,hoping she would change (subconsciously, I probably was in denial mainly probably because we had young children and I did not want them to grow up in a broken family). if I could do it again, what matters is the character of the individual you are dating not where they are from!!! learn from my mistake. if an eritrean is the one who fits your ideals for a dating or marriage partner, so be it (but you should not date one just because of they of country of origin) Life is too short
Tekle,
I have different experience. I ignored the advice of my parents and i got married with my high school sweetheart. At that time i consider my parents who immigrated from Eritrea as “traditionalists” who doesn’t have any clue about other people. I said to my self why does it matter where she is from? After few years the reality of life came to me. She was like other women. I didn’t care that much about it either. Then when it comes to my kids having to spend with their grand parents, it become obvious that she doesn’t want any thing of it. I wanted to raise my kids as so many Eritreans but i couldn’t because she didn’t want. If i had to listen to my parents i think my life would be been better. It is OK to marry other races as i did but there are a lot of things that you miss. The cost was too much for me but i don’t have any choice to stick with her till they grow up. We separated when my children left to college.
I think you’re right Simon. Mine is just one unfortunate example, not the rule. I also agree, marrying an eritrean makes life much easier for the most part (but, it has to be an eritrean who you would approve for your brother or best friend, i.e., her character should fit, otherwise should forget it! bad person is a bad person, eritrean or not.
This is an issue that habesha just can get their head around on.
There is good and bad in any people or culture. Sames goes with relationships.
Focusing on the country, background or culture of another person misses the point. If two people love each other and make each other happy. That is all that matters.
At the end of the day, we all live our lives how see it fit. Not for parents, family or the community.
Amen, Seyum!!
However, you have to admit Simon has a point. When you have much more in common including cultural background it may make life easier. However, I agree with you, the primary factor should be compatibility between the couple (the common cultural background should only be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself, if you know what I mean). Rather than having a messed up cake with a good icing, I would rather have an excellent cake with messed up icing.
marriage outside your race should be forrbiden for us eritreans,it is like losing your identity, after few generations your descendants wil be scattered around the world,without knoweledege of thier identity and culture or origin just like a savage, but to add another point find someone from ur own that can understand u and respect u as a partner in life, to marry sm1 just for being eritean is not just enough
Amen, B Yohannes, except for “forbidden.” Life is too short, man. easy to say “find someone from ur own….,” what if that someone happens to be a non-eritrean (and U have not found one eritrean). Are you going to age lonely just to wait for the matching eritrean???!
or are you to lower your standards/criteria in a partner just in order to date/marry “an eritrean?” U should try ur best to date/marry an eritrean, but there is a limit on how much U can try or wait
I think that interracial dating or marriage is fine if the couple reaches a clear understanding and comes to a agreement on issues that are important for them. The issues can be on how they want to raise their kids, religion, cultural influence, you name it.
I think love is about two unique individuals being attracted to each other based on character and physical appearance. So the race and or cultural background should be in second place.
It can definitely work. And saying that as an Eritrean you should marry an Eritrean is bit far fetched.So many Eritreans grew up or are born outside of Eritrea that they unfortunately don´t have many ties to their culture anymore. So the common defining factors are not that relevant anymore.
According to my family, it is OK if a man goes outside of his culture, race or religion, but it isn’t so when it comes to their daughters. As the result of this burden, my three sisters and I still wait for that Dreamy Smart Eritrean Man. Does he exist? I have tried my parents ways, I married an Eitrean and it didn’t get me any where, but heart ache and stress. I have tried to meet a descent intelligent Eritrean man that can appreciate a strong Eritrean woman, but I can’t seem to meet the one. Well, I guess no marriage no children for me it seems like. I can’t seem to just go out date other races? I know I should know better, and at the end of the day, it is my life, but it is so HARD.
I know what you mean girl… love is blind and does not discriminate. i advise you to love and be with someone you truly love and who is there for good and bad times and grow older together. I have seen in more than 10 cases that an Eritrean man does not appreciate or does not know how to handle a successful, powerful, educated and beautiful woman. I am married to one as we speak and we have huge problem. He can’t handle my power and i don’t know how to handle it. So, i advise you that you should be with one you love and not necessary with an Eritrean for the same of culture. You can always educate your partner where you come from and how special the place is. Believe me, if he loves you, he will even learn the language.
dear brothers and sisters. All of you said it well, however it looks like missing something very important. there is some power that who created you and he knows every cells of your body’ even he knows the numbers of your her on our head that you don’t know how many are they. long story short; God create evrything when he create us there was a women ready for when the time came he will wake you up and prepare you to have the perfect one. but we don’t listen to his voice.He is waiting for us.before I understand what I mention previosly I was on different kind of relationship I learned from it. thanks God Idid’t married any one of them. I prayed and waited for god faithfully he gave the women that I need she make me the most happy and successfull men in the world.God He make no mistakes because he is not a man. If you trust his choice belive me he will give sighn.to find the right person is not that easy. bless you!